Obama and my workplace

Well, the fascination and celebrity status provided to Mr.Obama seems to continue. I am not sure how he is handling the zillion problems he needs to address, but he sure is getting a lot of air time for anything he says or does (feels like an overdose sometimes). 

NBC just announced a 2 day show called "INSIDE THE OBAMA WHITE HOUSE: BRIAN WILLIAMS REPORTS"

It is going to be aired on June 2 & 3 and supposedly Williams is going to take viewers Behind-the-Scenes for an Insider's Look at a Day in the Life in the Obama White House. This is not a new show, I believe NBC has been doing this for the last 40 years and has aired 6 such shows with earlier presidents. So this is not exactly one of those celebrity style paparazzi inspired show for the tabloids - this is going to be some serious stuff. 

Anyway, when I heard about this show and since this is Obama we are talking about, I thought to myself "What's the first thing Obama is going to say to Brian Williams when they meet at the White House?" 

And here's how I think it would go :

Brian Williams : "Good Morning Mr. President, it is an honor to be here"

Mr.President : "Good Morning Brian, how ya doing brother? Welcome to my crib"

Don't get it? Well then you need a crash course in hip-hop lingo. Now, I work in Brooklyn - the hip-hop capital of the world. This is the place of birth for Jay-Z, Mos-def, 50 cent and many other hip-hop stars. So I can tell you that 'crib' is a common word and is a cooler synonym to the word 'home'

I have been riding the subway to downtown Brooklyn and generally hanging out in the area for the last 5 years, so here are some others words from that cool lingo :

'Bounce' - to leave
'Brotha' - meaning Brother as in "how's it going, brotha"
'Chillax' - to relax and chill 
'Chrome' - could mean a gun or refer to car wheel rims
'Crank' - no idea what it means, but I hear it a lot
'Hood' - reference to the place you are from
'How Ya doing' - most common phrase used as a greeting, heard all over NY
'Tripping' - meaning going crazy
'Pop' - could mean money or to knock someone down
'Wassup' - a greeting

A word of warning: Run when you hear both 'chrome' and 'pop' in a single sentence...you just don't want to be in that hood, brotha !

How can you tell its a Desi ?

Question : You are driving on the highway. In the lane next to you is a car with 4 people, all of them smiling at you. You are trying to figure out their nationality. How can you tell if they are all Desis?

Answer : Quiet simple actually. Wait until the car is looking to change lanes - if that was a Desi car, you will see all the 4 heads turn to look behind for other cars in the blind spot , if just the driver looked behind, then definitely not a Desi car...

Desi tips for saving $$$ - Tip # 2

Ok, so it's summer almost and hey guess what? The Memorial day long weekend is here!  For Desi's that have been here for a while (over 2 years is the guidance), you probably have your parents visiting you. 

It is of utmost importance to complete atleast three of the top desi vacation spots in the US with your parents. 

If you live on the east coast, here is the typical drill around this time of the year. You will have to visit the following places.

1) Niagara Falls - it is pilgrimage spot with an experience almost as holy as a visit to a Tirupathi

2) Washington DC - ok, it is the capital city and all that but the biggest attraction is the museums are free macha !

3) S V Temple - while there is no dearth of temples in India, hey this one is in Americya, dude !

Then there are other spots you will find only on a desi AAA map, but regardless you will need a good camera to take those Rajnikanth ishtyle pics and send them back to uncle/aunty/cousins/orkut page, right? 

So here is another great tip to saving you money on these trips

THOU SHALT GO TO THE NEAREST BEST BUY TO GET A NEW CAMERA

 

You ask why? It is vyery vyery simple logic, ra.  At Best Buy you are most certainly going to get the latest and fanciest cameras, but that is not the wonly reason. Technology is changing so rapidly, the camera you buy this summer is obsolete before fall ! And you do have a friend who picked a $400 Canon and was showing off, until Canon came out with a newer version within 3 months and then he couldn't show off anymore. 

Yes? So here's what you do - pick a nice decent camera at Best Buy, but DO NOT lose the receipt. Take this camera with you on vacation, use it all you want to, and within the 30 day return period, go back to Best Buy and say "Sorry, this is not what I needed, it does not meet my expectations" . Simple, eh? return camera, get refund and repeat same on next vacation ! 

Total Savings -  Yeverything (you didn't spend a penny, remember?)

Howzatt, macha?

P.S - you do not have to return accessories such as SD cards because they are reusable (ah, now using IT concepts also, see we are vyery vyery smart)

Also read Tip # 1

Who let the rats out?

If you live long enough in New York, you get used to seeing crazy stuff going on. If there is nothing notable happening in the streets above, there is always some thing nuts happening in the subway below. Among all the other attractions that it boasts of, NYC is also famous for it's overgrown subway rats.I mean, these are super rats that scurry under moving trains and over high voltage tracks and could brave any weather. They have been there since the beginning of NYC's subways and will continue for ever even if  'Cloverfield' actually occurs.

So, while I am not surprised to see these huge rats when I'am waiting for my A or C train, I was quiet taken aback when this big guy chose to walk up to the street.

Rumour was that he was worried he may get the 'Swine Flu' from the dirty subways, so he came up for fresh air. But judging by the gentleman hat he is wearing, I think he was out looking for a job...

Desi tips for saving $$$ - Tip # 1

SHARE THY INTERNET WITH FELLOW DESI

You have just moved into a new neighbourhood and you are part of the 99% desis who enjoy living with their community (the rest 1% are just show-offs and confused).  You need to now call the cable company or your telephone provider to get an internet connection so you can download camera-print copies of the latest bollywood movies and watch IPL on free-streaming sites. THOU SHALT NOT CALL THE INTERNET COMPANY.  Read below for more..

There is a 10:1 chance that there are atleast 3 other desi homes within a 50 ft perimeter. Please knock on their door and enquire about any ongoing internet-sharing deals within that 50 ft perimeter. It is very simple - one of them already has a 6 Mbps broadband connection and is paying $50 per month. So, all you need to do is strike a deal with him to share his home wireless network with you and allow access to your laptop. Even with 4 of you sharing, you will still get atleast 1.5 Mbps each, but not pay more than $12 a month ! If wireless router not powerful, buy range extender for some $30 (one time cost)- you can later sell on Sulekha.com or even carry back to India to continue this imported concept !

Total Monthly Savings -  Approx $40 

Savings account end of the year - Approx $500 extra - Rs.20K dude - howzaat !!!

Why so Serious?

That is the tagline of last year's movie 'The Dark Knight' . This movie will always be in my list of all time favorites. I think Heath Ledger played the Joker better than anyone could ever have.  I also enjoyed the other characters, but to me the Joker was the highlight of the movie - Heath could not have made the character any darker or scarier - a well deserved Oscar indeed. What a shame that such great talent was lost at such a young age. 

While we are on the topic of movies and jokers, I recently watched the movie 'W' . Now, this is a movie about a different type of Joker - Mr.Bush himself.  This guy ruled for a good 8 years, making some stupid decisions and then some. Watching this movie will help us understand how and why "The Decider" had to do what he had to do. Enough said about it though - this is not a political post and anyway I cannot even vote in the US, so my opinion hardly matters.  However, the movie is very well done and I especially loved the very last scene, it pretty much summarizes his entire term in office. No spoilers here, so  you have to watch it to know what I'am talking about.

I have to say though, one thing what I did observe is that Mr.Bush's term coming to end and Mr.Obama taking over was not exciting news for everyone. In fact one particular section was almost left unemployed because of this change at the White House. They were the the comedy clubs and the late night show hosts like Jay Leno , Dave Letterman etc. Yes, Jan 20th 2009 was a pretty dark day in their careers. There could be no more George Bush jokes, no more digs at 'The Decider', nobody else that they could 'misunderestimate' , no more Bushisms to entertain the late night TV watchers when their 'childrens' were sleeping.

There is always a silver lining though,  rumors are that we will have a replacement joker in the new administration, he is not the President , but close enough - goes by the name Joe Biden - he is keeping the comedians busy off late.

So here, as we regret the moving out of the most entertaining President the world has probably ever seen, I thought I will post some of the all too famous quotes of the great hero.  

Disclaimer : There is no copyright violation here, these are Bush's words - his and his only and I claim no ownership rights over them. Also, I have picked these from other websites

On the recession

"One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a recession, I am ending on a recession." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"I've abandoned free market principles to save the free market system." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008

On his term in the White House

"You know, I'm the President during this period of time, but I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President." --George W. Bush, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008

"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008

"He was a great father before politics, a great father during politics and a great father after politics." --George W. Bush, on his father, George H.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008

"Yesterday, you made note of my -- the lack of my talent when it came to dancing. But nevertheless, I want you to know I danced with joy. And no question Liberia has gone through very difficult times." --George W. Bush, speaking with the president of Liberia, Washington, D.C., Oct. 22, 2008

...And some other classics

"But oftentimes I'm asked: Why? Why do you care what happens outside of America?" --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 26,2008

"I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 26, 2008

Many more can be found here - this guy will be dearly missed

Towards making you smarter - we owe it to you

As an IBMer my job is to constantly promote my company's products and solutions. The latest push from IBM is for a 'smarter planet' and I think everyone should know what it means. So let me try and do my part to help everyone understand it

You see, at IBM we are all smart people and we are trying to get the rest of the world to be as smart as us - we are trying to solve your problem of being dumb. Earlier we had 'Solutions for a small planet' but the planet ain't small anymore. We have over 6 billion people and almost an equal number of computers - each competing to be smarter. Then we had the 'on demand' era but nobody demanded smartness the way we expected. Now, we have got the computers to become smart, yet you non-IBM mortals are still not smart enough.

 So with this new innovative approach to building 'a smarter planet' we really hope to make you smart.

The thought process is simple - if we succeed, you will all be living on a smarter planet with only smart people in it and we would have made it happen ! On the other hand if we fail, it would only be because you were not smart enough to catch up with us.

Either way, what we are trying to say is that we ibmers are smart people. Never mind...

Disclaimer: This post Not paid for by IBM (and I didn't expect any). But, if you are my manager and are reading this, I really  wouldn't mind a raise

Chilli bhajji - well done

If you have ordered it yourself or been at the restaurant when someone on your table ordered a steak, you might have heard the waiter ask "How would you like it done" The typical choices offered usually are "Rare" , "Medium" or "Well Done". The choice made is an instruction to the chef on how long the steak is to be cooked (In some restaurants, a response of "Well Done" might put the customer into the "what a woos" category).

Anyway, I'd like to share an experience at this desi restaurant that does not serve steak. For me, every other Friday evening dinner is usually a biryani from our favourite local Andhra restaurant "Hyderabadi Biryani House". I personally feel that there is nothing else that can follow a couple of evening drinks like a Biryani and I must say this guy makes one of the best. And for those who claim that Biryani is best only if it is is meat based, you should try the Vegetable Biryani here, it will make you drool for a long time. This place is also responsible for giving me the infamous 'Biryani Belly'.

My wife on the other hand does not have this 'fixed' Friday evening dinner choice. While she loves the biryani, she sometimes just gets the starters at this place and picks the main course elsewhere. One of the starters she particularly loves is the "Chilli Bhajji" (Hot Chilli Pepper Fritters). Now, this is another delicacy because they add some secret ingredients making this appetizer really addictive.

However, it so happened that on one of the days when we got home after picking the food she noticed that the chilli bhajji was still raw and undercooked. So, the next week, when we went back there and she wanted the same appetizer, she tells the guy at the counter that the last time she ordered this appetizer,it was not cooked well enough and that he should inform his chef about it. 

He says "Not a problem ma'am" , opens the door to the kitchen and yells to the chef "Hey, one order chilli-bhajji's - WELL DONE"

And that was when we realized that ordering chilli bhajjis here is like ordering a steak - you have to specify "WELL DONE" if you prefer them to be fully cooked. The last time we had not specified this and the chef had assumed we liked our chilli-bhajji to be "RARE" ....another lesson learnt 

NJ Transit Top Ten

Top ten things you would hear on NJ Transit trips between Metropark and NY Penn Station

10) On a snowy day with temperatures well below freezing, as you patiently wait for your train at the station you will hear the PA system go "Ding Ding - The next train to NY arriving at this station is delayed by 30-40 minutes. NJ transit apologizes for the inconvenience" (and they imply, "freeeze to death")

9) On a crowded 757 AM train, packed like a sheep van, you have an oversized NJ transit conductor collecting tickets and asking you to "Step, aside please, conductor coming through" - good luck surviving that

8) Conversation between two guys in the seat next to you (one has just landed). Say's the guy who has just arrived - "This weekend, I thought I will explore the US, what do you suggest?"  You then hear the other respond "I suggest you take your family to Oak tree road"

7) Two guys sitting in the seats adjacent to the two in #8 above - One says "What chapathi atta do you normally buy? We bought xyz brand at Subzi Mandi yesterday, they had the buy 1 get 1 free offer" The other guy goes "Really? I've got to go to Subzi Mandi today!"

6) Looking for a seat, you come across a 3 seater occupied by 2 oversized gentlemen who are themselves barely squeezing in - you may prefer to stand rather than be in stuck in the middle with them, but at Newark station, there will be an ambitious desi guy who would point to the little gap in the middle between the 2 healthy gentlemen and say - "Ah, yexcuze me, can I sit there in the middle seat, pleach"

5) Walking to the next car, still looking for a seat, you may be lucky enough to find a 2 seater occupied by 1 desi speaking on his cellphone. So, you go there to use the empty seat only to hear the guy say "Saary, but this seat is taken - my friend is joining me, he is just getting into the train". He then screams into the phone "Ra da de, jaldi ra"

4) Five to Ten minutes into a conversation with a new acquaintance (desi) on the train you would be asked - "Are you on a H1 Visa?" The rest of the conversation depends on your response to that question - yes on NJ Transit, every desi is an immigration expert

3) The guy/girl in the seat next to you, yes the one who has been staring at you inquisitively will ask - "Are you from Bombay?" 

2) If you did acknowledge or respond to the question in #3 above, about 5 minutes later you can expect the same guy/girl to say- "Can I borrow your cell phone please? my battery just went dead and I need to make an urgent call" (for the uninitiated, by giving out your cellphone you have just invited yourself to the Amway network)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let the drums roll for  the # 1 in the list

1) One guy from Andhra to another who is awaiting his green card - "Pyaapers Wochunda?"  Very loosely translated, he is enquiring if the paperwork on his friend's GC is complete, but there is a lot more depth to that question and you can expect to hear code words such as 485, EAD, EB2 etc. etc.

Airplane diaries - Episode 2

Trip : Zurich to New York

Type of Plane : McDonald Douglas D-10/11 (the plane that has the engine on the tail)

Why I remember this flight :

While I should ideally remember this flight because it was the first trip to the US with my newly married wife, unfortunately I remember it for less exciting reasons. So, we board the plane and are greeted by the Captain who tells us that it is a beautiful day and we should have a nice and pleasant flight into New York. A little later he also introduces the passengers to a new pilot who is going to be his assistant for the flight. So far so good and after the usual safety instruction video is presented, we are all set to fly.

We taxi on to the main runway, the captain instructs the cabin crew to take their seats in preparation of take-off and the plane begins to accelerate. Quiet honestly, to me this has always been the most dreaded part of the flight journey - somehow the idea that a massive metal structure weighing a few tons has to defy gravity, lift off the ground and keep climbing to over 30,000 feet before it gets to the cruising altitude has always left me a bit nervous. I mean to be inside something that has so many moving parts all being held together by nuts and bolts is something to be concerned about. To be inside it at 30,000 feet as it battles the forces of nature is even more scary.

And I will tell you, what this 'new' pilot did, only reinforced my fears of an airplane take-off.

I remember my wife was by the window and I was in the aisle seat. As the wheels left the ground, we noticed that the plane was actually hurling itself towards the sky at a 90 degree angle, and I'am not kidding. The plane was literally vertical (almost like a rocket) and also moving at a real high speed. Through the window we could see the houses, streets and cars getting smaller and smaller which is normal, but the angle at which we could see them was really scary. My hands were all sweaty and I noticed that other passengers had turned white in their faces too.The plane did reach the safe cruising altitude a few tense moments later and I think I might have had a few extra shots of vodka just to calm my nerves.

As we approached our destination, it was a different experience. I think this was the first time the pilot was landing in the NY area. He simply couldn't hold the plane steady and it felt like he was doing a mid-air balancing act on an imaginary aerial rope.

The touchdown occurred after a little while (I have a strong feeling the main captain took over) and when it happened, there was an applause from the 300+ passengers on the plane !!!

So scary was the ride that, the pilot's team apologized to each and every passenger as they walked out (who were relieved to be alive)

:)